Caution: CATTS Epidemic Sweeps the Nation (by Lisa Wiedmeier)
What is CATTS you ask? What’s this new disease that has reared its ugly head? Well, it’s a fairly new arrival on the “plague” list and I’ve got Dr. Sam Dogra, a renowned specialist on the topic to help me with this disease.
First lets start with the terminology: CATTS: Chronic Addiction to Timeless Series.
“I have been researching this CATTS disease, which has suddenly swept over the region of Idaho,” says Dr. Dogra. “Though the data I have is limited, it seems to be an infectious pathogen which is extremely contagious. The mode of transmission is unclear but all cases so far have been exposed to a certain fiction novel, which may be harboring the disease itself.”
Dr. Dogra continues on, “This book, 'Cheyenne: A Timeless Series Novel' should be avoided at all costs. We have repeatedly contacted the author but she denies all knowledge of this CATTS outbreak and is not willing to take responsibility. We urge the public to remain vigilant and take care which YA fantasy romance books they purchase. So far no cure is available but I can assure you we are doing everything we can before this CATTS epidemic spirals out of control. If you or your family suffers any of the CATTSsymptoms described below, please see your doctor immediately, and in more severe cases go straight to your local hospital's ER. That's all I have to say for now.”
• Visual hallucination about three men named: Callon, Colt, and Daniel
• Night sweats
• Lack of coherent thoughts
• Inability to form complete sentences
• Sudden addiction to caramel
Rare but serious CATTS symptoms:
• Constant checking of Facebook account for Timeless Updates to help quench desires.
• Constant checking of amazon account in search of next release.
• Calling boyfriend/husband/male friend by the names of Callon, Colt or Daniel.
• Telling people to call you Cheyenne or Chey for short.
More serve manifestations of the CATTS disease*:
• Believing one no longer ages, that they are Timeless.
• Believing one has supernatural powers.
• Food no longer appeals to you.
• Sleep has no meaning.
• You no longer take phone calls or participate in activities unless they revolve around The Timeless Series.
• Your only desire is to read Cheyenne and other books in the Timeless Series over and over and over again.
*These symptoms may require hospitalization and should been attended to immediately.
In conclusion you may ask how is Dr. Dogra an expert in the CATTSfield? Dr. Dogra exposed herself for the sake of medical research and now suffers from the disease for which there is yet no cure. She is currently working tirelessly on a vaccine.